I know, I know. I keep moving. But I cannot for the life of me get this thing to look the way I want it to. The look of blogger is just SO much nicer. So I've PERMANENTLY moved (sorry Court, I still love you!)

http://www.sichiamaroma.blogspot.com

 I don't know why I continually insist on looking through other people's wedding and honeymoon photos on facebook. It always ends the same way, with me sad and lonely, ready to settle down.

It's not that I'm insecure. I love who I am, not in a cocky way, but just in a comfortable way. I am me. And I am not willing to compromise that fact for a diamond ring. But I am human. 

I think what gets to me about those pictures is something, well intangible really, in the couple's eyes.  There's something there that as a single woman is outside of my reach. A feeling, a certain je ne sais pas that comes through in every photograph.  It's not the magazine photos of happy, smiling people posing to look like a happy smiling newlywed couple for whatever amount of money. There's something real there.  

It's hard to explain, honestly. Maybe it's these four months of instability, of abnormalcy.  Let's face it--studying abroad is not normal. Life over here is not normal.  You have four months to drink in as much of a foreign culture as humanly possible.  That naturally leads to a chaotic feeling. You can develop a routine of sorts, but there's always that underlying urge to just get the heck out there and explore this wonderful new place. Let's face it--four months later it's still pretty new despite extensive traveling and exploring. There's more to see: surrounding towns, other regions of the country, other countries nearby even.  It's wonderful but at the same time, towards the end here I'm ready to go back to my definition of normal.  I'm ready for the familiar, the comfortable.  And maybe since I'm already so receptive towards anything that seems stable, a marriage just looks so great.  Or at least the stereotype of one does; that idea that people who are married have "settled down." 

What I really think is happening is not that I am ready to settle down as in get married. I am ready to settle down as in to slow down my pace of life, to settle into a more normal routine.  

I know for a fact though, that going home and settling down I will not be fully satisfied. Not after living like this. That wanderlust I was born with has been fed. It's sort of like when we thought we could break Kammie of her overwhelming desire to get in the car every time we leave: we took her on a road trip from Georgia to Texas, hoping her love of the car would be worn off after 4 days roundtrip in the car.  Instead, it got worse. Now, not only does she cry when we leave but she won't really let us out the door. In many sense, I feel like Kammie: I've taken that big trip and gosh darnit I want more. Sure I'm ready to rest for awhile, but not forever. I can't ever go back to just normal life. Ever. 

 So my LSAT yesterday was FAR away. I could have just taken a cab and ensured that I would get there sans problems. But no, that would be the easy way. I took the tram, hopped a bus and then walked. And got lost. Miserably lost. Figures. I did find it with 30 minutes to spare, thankfully.

After walking in circles, I arrived at the school were my LSAT was. It was a Catholic elementary school, complete with nuns in habits, giant crucifixes in the classrooms, TINY desks, and a statue of Mary with a glowing halo in the stairwell.  The desks were by the far the worst--my knees barely fit under it and I have short legs. I felt bad for the guys in the test.  

I did have one awkward moment though. Halfway through the test you get a 10 minute break. So I stood up and ate my crackers and drank my juice box.  While staring absently off into the hallway, I spotted a nun. She was maybe 4' 9," perfectly round and about 75 years old. She just stood there and stared at me, smiling in some weird mystified type of way. It made me really uncomfortable. Extremely uncomfortable. So I walked over to the window and stared out it instead. 

I ran into my nun friend again leaving the test. Heading down the stairs, I had to walk past her. When I did, she patted my arm and told me see you later (in Italian of course). Um, okay bye crazy nun. She didn't do that to anyone else--just me which made it even more awkward. Don't know what her deal was. 

Getting home was quite an adventure. In my wanderings on the way there, I discovered a bus that was super convenient for where I wanted to go (I had to head back to the main train station--Termini-- to catch another bus to the tram back to my apartment). I headed out for the bus but got distracted by brightly colored scarves along the way. So I bought two. Why not? I was happy to be alive. I boarded my bus, went to Termini, switched buses and headed over to Largo Argentina to pick up the tram. I know it sounds complicated but it's really not. Anyways, walking between bus #2 and the tram I crossed paths with a homeless woman. She had a sign saying "I am poor but happy. Please help me. Thank you." How could I possibly resist giving money to a poor but happy women?! So I gave her a euro (which will be of importance in a minute).  

After leaving my poor but happy friend, I boarded the tram for Trastevere.  I'm chilling, ticketless as always, and not one or two but FOUR ticket checkers get on the train right as it's about to leave. Which meant that I had NO time to get back off the tram. Super. 

The machines on the tram only take coins and they only take exact change (tickets are 1 euro).  The fine for riding without a ticket? forty euros. I only had a 10.  Even if I wanted to, I couldn't join the panicked throngs buying tickets at the on-board machines. I also couldn't afford the fine since I didn't have my card to get money out of the ATM.  Naturally, the ticket checker men stood RIGHT in front of me. I tried to act natural and not like I was illegally riding the tram without a ticket but the whole time I was sweating like crazy. Finally we got the first stop and I BOLTED.  I decided to walk the rest of the way home, just in case my bad luck would get worse.  Naturally, it started raining on me. So I got back on a different tram, this time thankfully sans ticket checker men.  I hope the poor but happy homeless woman enjoyed that euro I gave her.  

 So the big day is here: in about an hour & a half I leave here to take my LSAT.  While I am nervous, I know I studied hard for this test. I took tons of practice tests. I'm hesitant to say that I'm 100% confident right now. I am nervous. Very nervous. But nevertheless, off I go. I'll give it everything I have; the rest is in His hands. If this is His will for next fall, well then it will be done. If not, there's always the Peace Corps :)

Wish me luck!